Light

"I am Your's do what You wish
I am Your I am Yours and I know this
Whatever happens next is in your hands
in you plans and nothing less
Everyday there is a choice and through the pain
throgh the joy I will rejoice."
Light by The Rocket Summer


So I was reading on my break today. More searching, looking for something that I could find comfort and strength in. Spent a good part of my time searching for that. Then at the last minute when I was almost out of time on my break I found the passage I was looking for. Joshua 1:7-9. Very direct, exactly what I needed. What I need. How can I not be strengthened when it's put so bluntly to be courageous?

The song above is my deepest prayer, because it will take this courage to truely mean what is said in those few lines. My trip is growing closer and closer everyday and I'm waiting for the moment I freak out and try to turn my back. The moment I find that it's too much for me. I don't want to be the weak human that I am, I want to be strong and to go into this with as much strength from You as I can. There is no possible way I could ever deserve to be going on this trip and I'm going to need You with me through every part of it! It's like I'm not realizing what's really going on, the magnitude of what I'm getting into. Maybe because I've never done anything like this before or maybe it's my mind protecting me so I won't freak out. Either way it seems surreal.

Then of course there's the empending surgery for my Papa. If I'm correct it's a week and a half away. My mom is under a lot of stress about that and I can tell she trying to protect me from it. I can hear her and my dad talking about it in the next room trying to be quiet. I don't hear details I just get the general idea of what they are saying. I wish she wouldn't keep it from me. I want to know, I need to know, how he's doing. I just wish I could afford to take off and be there with them when the surgery happens.