First off, I'm not sure if this will make any sense.
I am so tired and have lost so much sleep over the past week and a half. Not because I stay up doing anything, but because I wake five or six every night, sometimes freaking out for a sec thinking i missed my alarm for work. The reason for this crazy sudden occurance...I'm not sure. The only thing I can think might be causing it is that I'm going to a different country in a week and half now. Though I don't feel like I'm scared or anything that doesn't mean I'm not. it could be one of those things I can hide, even from myself, without realizing it. Then when I'm asleep it hits me hard. I've has a couple dreams about the trip...not scary, just random.
As far as I'm concerned I'm ready to go! I'm ready tpo help people in need and show them the love of God. I'm ready to finally be the hands and feet of God. Am I trying to say that doesn't freak me out at all? No, of course. Doing something new is always going to be a bit frightening. I just feel like it's not something that would be causing me to lose sleep. The only way to really know though is to see how I sleep when I get back.
I am meant to go on this trip. I wouldn't have had multiple people in one week give money so that I could go if that weren't true. I wouldn't have had an amazing friend offer to pay for my plan ticket when I said that I was definitly going to go. My passport wouldn't have come in 1 week, when it should have taken at least 3. All these things have been major blessings to me and very humbling as well. I just know I am meant to be in the country for those people. I WANT to be there to help them. I can't just sit here and watch as they die because no one wants to give them the things they need for basic survival.
28 April, 2010
21 April, 2010
The Time Has Come
My papa is finally having his surgery tomorrow. It's been a long wait but will soon be over. I want to know how everything goes, but, at the same time I dont because I won't think about it if I'm not updated and therefore I won't get stressed at work. I can just get through work and then call my mom when I get off. One of my biggest appreciations is that this is over with before I leave. I would HATE to be out of the country when he had surgery, even if everything turned out fine. I just want to be able to call and know that it's okay. I want to know that he's going to be able to recover well.
He's strong so I don't doubt that everything will be okay, there's just always that chance. After my mom's dad died during open heart surgery I know she's been thinking about that a lot and wondering if something similar will happen again. Granted technology is much improved from when she was 5yrs old, I know that won't keep her from worrying. I pray that she can have peace and strength to go through this. I'm thankful that her mom and sister are going to be there with her.
He's strong so I don't doubt that everything will be okay, there's just always that chance. After my mom's dad died during open heart surgery I know she's been thinking about that a lot and wondering if something similar will happen again. Granted technology is much improved from when she was 5yrs old, I know that won't keep her from worrying. I pray that she can have peace and strength to go through this. I'm thankful that her mom and sister are going to be there with her.
18 April, 2010
Answered Prayers
I've been praying about my trip to Haiti(honestly not as much as I should be though) and thoes prayers have deffinitley been being answered. It's so amazing to see God do this, for me, when I could never deserve it. I was starting to be concerned about money for the trip and if I was going to be able to afford it or not. Then out of no where four people gave me money to put towards it. I made an event on facebook asking for help, all but about three people that joined it I don't see regularly or never. Seeing everyone joined the event was very exciting for me though. Just to be able to see how many people want to support me in this.
Then there's the plane ticket. It started out at like $275 and now has gone up to somewhere over 300. The biggest blessing in this whole thing though is that my friend offered to pay for my ticket for me and then when I get back I am going to pay him back. At first I was unsure about it and I probably asked him like ten times if he was sure it was okay. Then I started to feel like I was annoying him so I just let it go and thanked him. If it wasn't for this offer there was no one I would never have been able to afford the trip.
I feel like the whole thing has been one small miracle after another. I am so thankful to everyone for everything and I can't wait to see what God wants of me in Haiti. It's got to be big with everything He's given me to help me make it there.
Then there's the plane ticket. It started out at like $275 and now has gone up to somewhere over 300. The biggest blessing in this whole thing though is that my friend offered to pay for my ticket for me and then when I get back I am going to pay him back. At first I was unsure about it and I probably asked him like ten times if he was sure it was okay. Then I started to feel like I was annoying him so I just let it go and thanked him. If it wasn't for this offer there was no one I would never have been able to afford the trip.
I feel like the whole thing has been one small miracle after another. I am so thankful to everyone for everything and I can't wait to see what God wants of me in Haiti. It's got to be big with everything He's given me to help me make it there.
12 April, 2010
Light
"I am Your's do what You wish
I am Your I am Yours and I know this
Whatever happens next is in your hands
in you plans and nothing less
Everyday there is a choice and through the pain
throgh the joy I will rejoice."
Light by The Rocket Summer
So I was reading on my break today. More searching, looking for something that I could find comfort and strength in. Spent a good part of my time searching for that. Then at the last minute when I was almost out of time on my break I found the passage I was looking for. Joshua 1:7-9. Very direct, exactly what I needed. What I need. How can I not be strengthened when it's put so bluntly to be courageous?
The song above is my deepest prayer, because it will take this courage to truely mean what is said in those few lines. My trip is growing closer and closer everyday and I'm waiting for the moment I freak out and try to turn my back. The moment I find that it's too much for me. I don't want to be the weak human that I am, I want to be strong and to go into this with as much strength from You as I can. There is no possible way I could ever deserve to be going on this trip and I'm going to need You with me through every part of it! It's like I'm not realizing what's really going on, the magnitude of what I'm getting into. Maybe because I've never done anything like this before or maybe it's my mind protecting me so I won't freak out. Either way it seems surreal.
Then of course there's the empending surgery for my Papa. If I'm correct it's a week and a half away. My mom is under a lot of stress about that and I can tell she trying to protect me from it. I can hear her and my dad talking about it in the next room trying to be quiet. I don't hear details I just get the general idea of what they are saying. I wish she wouldn't keep it from me. I want to know, I need to know, how he's doing. I just wish I could afford to take off and be there with them when the surgery happens.
I am Your I am Yours and I know this
Whatever happens next is in your hands
in you plans and nothing less
Everyday there is a choice and through the pain
throgh the joy I will rejoice."
Light by The Rocket Summer
So I was reading on my break today. More searching, looking for something that I could find comfort and strength in. Spent a good part of my time searching for that. Then at the last minute when I was almost out of time on my break I found the passage I was looking for. Joshua 1:7-9. Very direct, exactly what I needed. What I need. How can I not be strengthened when it's put so bluntly to be courageous?
The song above is my deepest prayer, because it will take this courage to truely mean what is said in those few lines. My trip is growing closer and closer everyday and I'm waiting for the moment I freak out and try to turn my back. The moment I find that it's too much for me. I don't want to be the weak human that I am, I want to be strong and to go into this with as much strength from You as I can. There is no possible way I could ever deserve to be going on this trip and I'm going to need You with me through every part of it! It's like I'm not realizing what's really going on, the magnitude of what I'm getting into. Maybe because I've never done anything like this before or maybe it's my mind protecting me so I won't freak out. Either way it seems surreal.
Then of course there's the empending surgery for my Papa. If I'm correct it's a week and a half away. My mom is under a lot of stress about that and I can tell she trying to protect me from it. I can hear her and my dad talking about it in the next room trying to be quiet. I don't hear details I just get the general idea of what they are saying. I wish she wouldn't keep it from me. I want to know, I need to know, how he's doing. I just wish I could afford to take off and be there with them when the surgery happens.
11 April, 2010
...On the Edge...
"But waiting on the edge of what I cannot see is worse..."Pippin Took-ROTK
So many things are happening right now. So many things that will have a permanent impact on my life. The biggest, being my trip to Haiti. I know I will be different when I get back from this trip, there's no doubt in my mind about that. I have felt the need to get out of the bounderies of this country, out of the safety and comfort I've grown up in and get my hands dirty for the Lord. Actually do some "field work" for Him. I said a while back about how felt restless and I don't feel that way anymore. Now that I have a plan...at least for the immediate future.
Other major things are 3 of my best friends are getting married! My best friend from high school is getting married May 1st! My current best friend is getting married in July and the third is getting married in August!(though I didn't say the last one! No one is supposed to know yet, lol! I figure it's safe here since no one knows who she is though :).) Im in the wedding parties for the last two and I could be happier for all of them! I've gotten to watch them all grow in their relationships with their soon-to-be husbands.
So many things are happening right now. So many things that will have a permanent impact on my life. The biggest, being my trip to Haiti. I know I will be different when I get back from this trip, there's no doubt in my mind about that. I have felt the need to get out of the bounderies of this country, out of the safety and comfort I've grown up in and get my hands dirty for the Lord. Actually do some "field work" for Him. I said a while back about how felt restless and I don't feel that way anymore. Now that I have a plan...at least for the immediate future.
Other major things are 3 of my best friends are getting married! My best friend from high school is getting married May 1st! My current best friend is getting married in July and the third is getting married in August!(though I didn't say the last one! No one is supposed to know yet, lol! I figure it's safe here since no one knows who she is though :).) Im in the wedding parties for the last two and I could be happier for all of them! I've gotten to watch them all grow in their relationships with their soon-to-be husbands.
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