So many things are going through my mind, it is like a swirl of thoughts, memories and emotions. Most of the time none of it makes any sense to me. It's been so long since I felt any kind of peace and it's starting to wear me down. There is a real physical ache in my chest and it hurts more when I'm alone at night, qiuet and still. I try to listen to God, but most of the time I just feel the pain. Pain that seems to grow every day; only not grow so much as change. There seems to be a different kind of pain, a different reason for the pain each day. I can't continue like this much longer.
I'm already starting to shutdown around people. I don't want everyone to see my pain so I hide it, pretty well, most of the time. My defenses seem strong on the outside while I slowly feel like I'm falling apart inside.
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