I try to speak, but the words won't come.I want to say it will all be okay. I want to tell you it will all work out in the end. I see the pain behind your eyes and I can't look at you, knowing that I could cause you pain for any reason crushes me. I turn my face down and stare at the ground, maybe if I don't look it won't be real. A tear rolls down my cheek and all I can do is tell you I'm sorry. I never meant for this to be so difficult. I'm terrified, of you and of losing you too.
Please believe me when I say I never meant to hurt you.
I look back up at your eyes and a wave of guilt washes over me. How could I be so selfish? You're standing in front of me hurting and not blaming me for one second of it. All you want is for me to understand. All I can do is torture myself for what I could never have controlled. The only thing I can think of to make any of this easier; pray that God will take care of it. Let Him have it all and go along for the crazy twisting ride He has in store for us through this experience.
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